An Eternal Bond between a father and a son, Which last even after Father's death.

Today is my Pappa's Birthday. I am remembering the only man who impacted me more than anyone else in this world. In the last days of his life I had an uneasy realisation that his days are numbered and I started spending more and more time with him, shifted my work base to Aligarh, I always used to be overwhelmed with his exceptional command over Urdu, Persian, Hindi and English languages. He spoke awadhi with equal Proficiency. He was never short of couplets befitting occasion. Full of rural and literary quotes. Ammi was full of anecdotes too, her self-deprecating humor would always keep the environment jocular. We were born and bred in an environment where father-son rarely expressed love and affection for each other. His mere presence and deep stare was sufficient for me to understand what he wanted. I dreaded him the most at the same time I loved him the most. We rarely watched TV together. His rare shabashi ( Interjection with Pat on my back) was his extreme expression of love. During covid lockdown , he was struck with acute blader infection, we were vary of taking him to hospital, but eventually we had to, With every passing day he was getting weaker and weaker , He was admitted for 15 days in Delhi. After he was discharged , he was advised critical care at home. We converted one room into the hospital facility at home. In Last few days of his life, he perhaps had a brain stroke ( Medically termed as Seizure ) except eyes he lost complete control over his body and remained in a vegetative state till his last breath. I knew his end was inevitable but hoping against the hope I was sure of a medical miracle that he would survive. On the morning of 17th of september 2020 he passed away peacefully. One by one his IV line, Catheter, Bipap (Non-Invasive ventilator) and cardiac monitor screen were removed. I was by his bedside when he passed away. I was numb, and was holding his hand. I was told that the body turns cold once life goes out. But i realised Pappa was still warm then, I was also told that the subconscious brain of a dead person works for a few minutes and he listens to the words of the surroundings. Suddenly I broke down, kneeled and Hugged him tightly, kissed his forehead, and whispered "please forgive me if I failed you as a son in delivering my duties". Finally, For the first and the last time in my life i mustered enough courage and said "I love you Pappa more than anyone else in this world". Tears were unstoppable, throat was chocked, i was crying profusely, but there was a sigh of relief within my soul to have expressed myself. I still don't know whether he heard my words or not. But he was still warm then and within an hour his body turned completely cold. After the passing away of my father Ammi became reclusive and she confessed to me that she has lost the purpose of her life and within a span of little over a yr she left this world too. Even at the age of maturity, i feel orphaned like a child, as if the shadow of love, comfort and protection have gone forever. Pappa, on your Birthday Today, I am dedicating one of your favorite couplet of Iqbal to you. "Nigah Buland, Sukhan Dil Nawaz, Jaan Pursoz, Yehi Hai Rakht-e-Safar Mir-e-Karwan Ke Liye". (High Aspiration, Pleasing speech, a passionate soul— This is all the luggage for a leader of the Caravan). Despite all odds, you were a true leader. Happy Birthday Pappa, You still matter more than anyone else in this world ! But the bitter truth remains eternal, There will not be another Pappa, There will not be another Ammi around and I have to live with this void forever now.